He broke up with me last night. He said that he's been court ordered to stay away from anyone that's had contact with the party who's charging him. He got sentenced for two years over a computer crime of threatening someone who was threatening him. He didn't even tell me what the sentence was.. The severity.. But he said that he can't have any contact with anyone that's ever made contact with the other guy or his wife. I never met his wife. I was forced into a relationship with the guy (via blackmail and other physical/mental fucking games). That's how I met Ryan. They were friends. So, now, Ryan's aspirations to be involved with the government and any agencies pertaining to it are thrown out the window and doused with gasoline and set afire.

My mother and sister think it's him being a coward and taking the spineless way out of saying he doesn't want to be with me. A part of me thinks that they're right. The thing is that he's never lied. My mom said, "There's always a first time."

I'm so angry.. Why punish himself over this? I never met the fucker's wife, and I no longer keep in touch with them or anyone they know.

The thing that hurt the most was when Ryan said that he "wasn't to make contact with anything that's touched him". What the hell..? I got faced the damage head on, have no proof to back up the claims, and you can't talk to me? He said that we'd be able to talk in two years. That's when it ends. My heart has been stomped on, and I'm still at the edge of my seat.

"I'm not to make contact with anything that's touched him."


I would paint, but I feel so devoid of any emotion. It's all questions. I sobbed once for a half hour, and then it was back to the tears just falling effortlessly from my eyes. I don't even cry anymore. I just leak like a broken tap. I just feel empty.